Around the holidays, we tend to spend more time with family.

For some of us, that can be a mixed bag.

Gloria Steinem hits squarely on why this time of year can be challenging:

Many of us have been misunderstood by our primary caregiver(s) growing up.

If we want to reconcile that schism and achieve peace, we're presented with a choice.

1. On the one hand, you can change yourself into something that's easier for them to understand.

This gives them peace, though often at the cost of your own. Choosing this route sacrifices those unique insights, instincts, and innate compass of right-and-wrong that you would hone if you remained true to yourself.

2. On the other hand, you can make the difficult choice to devalue their opinion.

This preserves your relationship with yourself, allowing you to own full responsibility for your life and make decisions consistent with your own internal compass. However, with more strident caregivers, this may "damage" your relationship with them - as you remain difficult to understand.

What if you didn't have to choose one or the other?

I am a "third way thinker" if nothing else.

As I see it, the wisest path forward is to refine your own understanding of your relationship with your caregiver(s). Specifically, to devalue their opinion about your choices and your identity, without devaluing their opinion about other facets of life.

But first, a fair warning.

This requires significant emotional labor, opening yourself to vulnerably examining the relationship as objectively as you can, casting aside your strongly-held feelings to see more clearly. It also requires intellectually rigorous conscious processing - deconstructing "truths" you once took for granted, but over time have proven themselves lacking.

Neither of these are easy. Any route you take will be painful. And any route you take will lead to success; it all depends on how you genuinely measure success in your life.

And finding out what you actually want in life? Well, that's a whole 'nother can of worms for another day.